remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
