Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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