doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
