Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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