I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
