walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
