I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
