he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I am one with the molecules
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize