walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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