Banned from zoo.
Again?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Found your dick twin last night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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