i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
