he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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