I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
