Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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