You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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