my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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