1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
