Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
