There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
