glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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