i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
