belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
