i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
