That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
