Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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