well you can't waste a boner
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
