Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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