I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize