I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
