i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
