Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
