it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She's the barista slut.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
