quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
