so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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