what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
