I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
