i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
