She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
