just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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