he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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