Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
