Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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