I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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