seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
