Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize