I'm eating all of the evidence.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
