Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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