he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
