i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Boobs are out for the taking
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize