Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
