I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
