There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
