i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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