I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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