id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
