he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
