Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
