im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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