its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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