im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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