Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
