the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
do nipples grow back?
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