I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
