Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my shit smells like andre
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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